I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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