She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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