I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
