to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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