dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
