you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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