I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
