I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
