I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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