We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
