You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
