You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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