yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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