Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
