I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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