He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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