I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
