I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
