Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
