Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
