be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize