Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
