oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
