lets start a swedish sibling band together
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
