my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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