well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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