Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
