he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
