I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
