WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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