do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
