Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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