I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
