And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
