I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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