I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
