He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
