ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
