but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
