There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
