he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize