East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
