Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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