WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
