Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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