Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
