nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
