I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want her autograph on my taint
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
