I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
