i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
