Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
