the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
