We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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