Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
