Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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