Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
