I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
