Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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