We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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