Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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