you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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