Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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