Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
