____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she told me i tasted like america
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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