just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
