I wish I could teleport
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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