I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
