i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
