I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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