The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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