Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
