We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
