I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
