I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
