I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
