Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
